Malysia Air

I thought the Malaysia Air saga had vanished, but apparently not……



Authorities announce they’ve officially, honestly, really, promise on a stack of bibles, suspended the search for Malaysian Air flight missing since March.



Malaysian officials announce that new evidence points to the flight not heading west of Australia, but in fact heading to mainland China.


10 am:

Chinese officials announce that due to NSA hacking into their computers, they did not realize that the missing plane did in fact land in China. They are investigating further.


11 am:

Chinese officials announce that the plane was apparently sold to Donald Sterling, the LA Clippers owner, and was taken to the US several weeks ago.


12 noon:

Los Angeles officials announce that the missing Malaysian Air plane has been found inside Staples Center, the home arena of the Clippers. They are investigating reports that Donald Sterling was planning on using it to send black fans to the newly opened Clive Bundy Cotton Fields in Nevada.



Vladimir Putin, the President of Russia, announces that Russia will help erase the stain of racism in the United States. An agreement is signed between Putin and Sterling, specifying that Russia will trade 50,000 Ukrainians for 50,000 blacks.



Nigeria announces it actually has the missing plane, and is willing to sell it for $750,000. Due to unfortunate complications, buyers are asked to wire $250,000 to Nigeria as a good faith down payment, and promise that the plane will be delivered within 48 hours.



North Korea says that it has the plane within missile range, and will blow it up later tonight unless the US and other governments agree to send 10 million dollars in foreign aid by Friday.



Google announces that the plane in LA is merely a holographic image, derived in part from a 3 story high version of Google Glass. In a slap at Apple, Google announces that they will now offer iPlane, a 3D virtual plane ride with Google Glass.



In an embarrassing press conference, Los Angeles officials admit that the missing plane has been stolen. “We turned our backs for a few minutes to make some phone calls, and when we returned, it was gone”. Rumors swirl that the plane will get new hydraulic lift shocks, oversize rims, and a stereo system upgrade at East LA chop shop.



ABC denies stealing the plane for a new season of Lost.



California activates its statewide Amber Alert system, ask motorists to call 911 immediately if they

happen to see a Boeing 777 motoring down the freeway.



US Customs and Border Security announces the 777 has been seized in the interest of National Security. They deny reports that Homeland Security officials are circulating among illegal immigrants in detention centers in Texas, offering free airline tickets to Malaysia.



Brazilian officials announce that the 777 will be used in the World Cup closing ceremony, as skydiving soccer players play a 3D soccer game using a specially outfitted ball, as they parachute toward the main stadium.




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